I think my fart just growled at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
