He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
