Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
