I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
