apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
