i just google imaged poop.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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