i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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