I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
