I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
