We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
