I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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