i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize