i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
