I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
