I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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