Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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