Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
