dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
