You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
did you just send me my own nude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
