I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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