I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
