Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
