That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
