Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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