Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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