don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
