i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
