you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
