But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
