i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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