I am in a vortex of obligation.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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