You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
