i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my poor anus
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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