I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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