I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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