how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
