Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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