its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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