does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
