he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
