i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Green mimosas i think yes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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