I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
