Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
