Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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