3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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