She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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