the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i'm inner monologue high
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
