i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
