Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
