i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
