I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
