I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
