end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is wine microwaveable?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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