i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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