im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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