Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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