im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants