I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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