Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10