i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.