She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
